What Real Orgasms Feel Like and How to Claim Your Own

If we just listen to movies, songs, and book stereotypes, there’s only one way of having an orgasm. It usually involves squealing, screaming, and “earth-shattering” explosions —dramatic and loud.

The most popular descriptor? “Like fireworks.”

But we forget that on the screens, especially the small ones (pornography), an orgasm is often performative.

The pressure to perform can be rooted in a toxic idea that women and people with clitorises and vaginas must “prove” to our partners that we came. Cue the history of “faking it” in order to please our partners.

For many people, orgasms are rather elusive. Not everyone experiences them but it’s worth it to experiment on your own and find out what works for your body.

After all, it’s easy to tell when someone with a penis has an orgasm. They can visibly ejaculate. But people with a clitoris have a subtler reaction that isn’t always fluid (unless you’re a squinter), and as a result, many feel pressured to over enhance their feelings during sex.

But that doesn’t mean everyone needs to follow this formula or react in any one way at all.

Sex and relationship expert Dr. Jess O’Reilly explains, “Even a universal definition for orgasm can’t be agreed upon, as our subjective experiences don’t always align with scientific conclusions. When asked to describe orgasm, the responses vary wildly.”

Everyone’s body response is different. We’re unique, our reactions vary, and most importantly, not everyone is a screamer.

O’Reilly describes the nuances of an orgasm even further, saying, “For some people, an orgasm is the ultimate experience of pleasure. For others, it’s simply a release. Some people lose control and others simply exhale deeply. What you see in porn doesn’t necessarily reflect real-life orgasms. Some people yell and scream and convulse, but many don’t.” 

Let’s look at what an orgasm is for someone with a clitoris

During an orgasm, genital muscles will contract, heart rate will increase, and your genitals fill with blood. While your body is working hard to make you feel good, your brain is also releasing a huge dose of oxytocin and dopamineTrusted Source which contribute to feelings of closeness, empathy, and happiness.

When I first began writing this piece, I reached out to people I knew personally to describe their orgasm. I quickly found that words don’t do the experience justice.

“My legs also go numb for a hot second. It’s never been all over my body, but I’ve had some that make my lower body shake.” – MaryEllen

It’s hard to describe the tingles, the differing effects, the numbness, the euphoria. For myself, I’m a crier. When I think of having an orgasm, I think of crying — known as crymaxing, something I’ve talked about once before.

In my personal experience, my body responds with a euphoria so strong that tears well up in my eyes and I bury my head into my partners chest. Sometimes it’s a few tears, other times it’s sobbing. They sure don’t show that in the movies, do they?  Coming....Soon- Some orgasms make your body shake